Zoo!

I'm about to blow up my blog with posts and pictures..... I'll be honest--the main reason I haven't been blogging is because I have been too lazy to upload pictures! Shame, shame, shame on me. 

Anyway, sometime this spring (spring break?) all of my siblings and their spouses and children and my parents... ALL of us got together to go to the Asheboro Zoo! Who knows when and if this kind of get together will happen again (for not a holiday/birthday/birth/etc).

Enjoy some pictures!

My family!

Enjoying a different view for a little while

Ashley & Evan!

Still all gums in this picture

My favorites at the zoo. 

Nine (and a half) Month Letter to Love

Lierre Elizabeth,

Okay, okay so you are halfway through month nine before I am writing this. I always pretend like I will be on top of it "the next month" but as you will learn slowly and surely your mom is quite the procrastinator. I know it is bad, I know there is normally less stress if you do a little at a time....but that never quite pushes me to doing this ahead of when they are due.

You are laying in your crib right now--down for the night (oh, I hope), sleeping for the first time really since this morning (I don't count one thirty minute nap). You have what I assume to be a cold. The amount of stuff coming out of your nose and mouth (makes me question teething) is just mind boggling. Last night I had to sit up with you from about 1:30-2:15 a.m. You didn't want your bottle--rather, you couldn't drink because you were so stuffy. You were so sweet, though. You put one hand on my face and stared at me for about five whole minutes. I think you were half delirious from being up at such a late hour, but it made me melt in about 100 different ways. You being sick stinks, but the sweetness in the dark was worth my grogginess today. I knew that you needed me and I could deliver.... I couldn't make your cold go away, but I could hold you and reassure you and be what you needed--a warm, snuggly, adoring momma. I will always be here for you, sweet one. You say the word and I will come running, driving, flying to wherever you are.

I don't think I mentioned it in the last post, but you have TEETH! You went from no teeth to now 4 (top and bottom two) completely in and two (next to the top teeth on either side) about halfway in in about two months or so. Woof, it's been rough on us here and there, but you have handled it so well for the most part. You don't like typical teething toys, but you enjoy chewing on these little bath water toys.

With having teeth has come an increase in appetite and a much better grasp on eating. You now take an occasional eight ounce bottle instead of a six ounce bottle (mostly either early in the morning or right before bed) and can somewhat chew solid food. You will now take a Puff and try to put it in your mouth. I say "try" because most of the time you assume since your hand is going towards your mouth you need to suck your thumb to get it in. You look so confused when it doesn't end up in your mouth and keeps your daddy and me laughing. You tried boiled shredded chicken a few days ago. You didn't love it, but you didn't hate it. I think you persevered mostly because I looked so hopeful and sat there mimicking chewing like a crazy person for ages. Once summer hits for me (so soon!) I will start introducing more steamed/soft foods. This experience just goes to show me once again that you know what you are doing and to not stress so much about comparing you to other babies.

You love being outside in the warm weather. When you stay with your grandma/mama and Paas, you seem to cute your way into one of them caving and taking you on a long stroll. You hold on to the sides of the stroller like you are controlling where you go and look straight ahead, very determined. We had a cookout for memorial day and you loved having toys on a blanket in the grass.

You are supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow for your nine month check up and shots. I'm not sure if we will go through with the shots because you are sick, but it still makes me so sad that I will have to miss it because of a silly end-of-year meeting at work.

Crawling will soon be a thing of the past I am sure.... You are pulling up, standing, and letting go for (very) brief periods of time. When I cheer for you, or daddy does, your face lights up in a huge grin and you could not be any more smug about your accomplishments. I can't believe you are soon going to be walking (well, maybe soon... we will see). You already are quick as a flash when you crawl and love to try to pull everything down off of the coffee table, any table, any shelf.

You have started letting me hold you for longer periods of time and your daddy and grandma, too. You may not "kiss" us or fall asleep on us, but you have started kind of tucking your head and leaning in towards us for short periods of time (read: still 30 25 seconds or less).

Diaper changes have become a source of great distress for you. You flail and kick and screech and try to roll over from the time you are laid down until you are back up again. When you pop up, you instantly smile and laugh like "Oh, mom.... it's ok! No big deal." I have tried quietly talking with you and breathing deeply (with you in my mind) before sliding your arms into clothes (your least favorite part) and surprisingly you seem to respond and become more still. At least you don't wail anymore like you did for a little while.

I cannot wait to be with you all summer. . . even if we don't do anything special (which I don't think will happen), being able to be with you, see you grow, and be at your beck and call is making me so excited. My only worry? You are getting to be SO big that you are hard for me to carry around for long periods of time. Maybe you should start walking soon (hehe).

Your daddy and I love you and often find ourselves sitting around saying back and forth "I love her." "Oh, I love Lierre." "Lierre is the sweetest baby girl ever." You have no idea how over the moon we are about you!!

Love,
Mommmmamomomomamama (how you "say" my name)

Sigh of Relief

It has been awhile, and before I get into what we've been up to as of late, here is a quote from one of my favorite books "The Secret Life of Bees:"

“The world will give you that once in awhile, a brief timeout; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life.”

That is how I feel today went. . . work has been pedal-to-the-metal lately, I feel like I haven't been able to catch my breath, and have been generally run down for the last two weeks. Today was my time-out. Today I got to spend the whole day with Lierre. And even though we did a few errands and I tidied up around the house, it may rank in one of my favorite days with her and one of the best days in awhile. Lierre didn't cry a bit in any of our errands, laughed like I was the funniest thing in the world when I would talk to her or touch my nose to hers or make a funny sound, and observed everything with bright, thoughtful eyes. My anxiety never got up, even in traffic or when stores didn't have what I wanted. There was no rushing around or nerves or deadlines, only exploring and enjoying each other's company. While I folded laundry, Lierre quietly played with a toy (or ten) by my feet, occasionally pulling on my pant leg so that I would help her practice stand up (!!) or respond to her stream of gibberish. When I sat down to eat, Lierre entertained herself (!!) with toys and eventually ended up at my feet again, staring at me with big, hopeful brown eyes that all but pleaded for me to hold her in my lap.

Hold me, please?

Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles, and closeness---that is what this little one has craved lately. And it was the biggest joy today to be able to give her that. With the end of the school year (read: testing) coming up, the hours have been long and morale has been low pretty much across the board. I have felt like a wrung-out rag some days when I get home and I know I haven't been able to give Lierre my best time or effort. That just about kills me when I think about it (so I try not to too much), so today I felt like it was one of those rare days where everything falls into place and my soul was filled up. 

Thank you, God, for your goodness. 
[The only thing that would have made it better was if Tim could have joined us!]

Part of the reason why I have not written as much, well besides being insanely busy and worn out, is that I haven't been able to voice exactly how I feel about my career. No, no, not my JOB.... but rather, the state of education in this country and our state. I love teaching. I love my students. I hate testing and standardized this and that and the other and spending most of each day gearing my students towards a test that will be very hard, if not impossible, for some of them to "pass." The individual gets left behind and it is hard to try to make every drastically different student the same. Even writing this I am hesitating for I fear someone will misinterpret this for dislike of my work or my job. Maybe these will do a better job.

I hate that any child or student will ever, EVER have to feel they are stupid or less than wonderful or special because of testing. Urgghgh. 

Anyways.

Tim and I are eagerly awaiting summer's arrival where we can spend more time together as a family and possibly take a trip or two. Silly NC needs to get with the program because it has been cold or raining for forever.... I mean, today I had to bring a blanket for Lierre in the car. It is MAY, Mother Nature. May! Bring me warm weather!!!! Plus, Lierre has too many cute clothes for warm weather that she is rapidly growing out of without ever having worn them!

We have also been trying a new church lately and it has felt so good to find somewhere that we both can agree we like so far. They also have a small nursery for Lierre and she tends to do well. I saw this Bible verse(verses) on a friend's facebook today and it resonated deep down in me. In a time with so many things changing and shifting and moving forward, it was a welcome reminder. Thanks, Heather!

You have searched me Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you. ♥ Psalm 139: 1-18

May

A new post will soon come..... I have had writer's blogger's block, and have also been a little ehhhh about posting some of my thoughts....

But for now, here is a picture of the biggest joy in my life (taken on a quickly dying, falling apart cell phone).

7 & 8 Months.... Oops?

My little girl,

I have to admit that I am a little behind.... well, actually quite a bit behind. I can't help it! Between work and spring break and Easter and you learning so many things, I feel like I haven't hardly taken a breath lately. Forgive mommy this one, please?

You have shocked me and made me so proud this last month (or two). You sat up on your own for extended time on your nephew, Eli's, birthday (February 22nd). You had come close for awhile, but on this day you seemed to think hard about something for a moment, and then just pushed off of me and sat up playing with a toy in your hands as if it was nothing.

Since then, you have also learned to CRAWL!!! For weeks and weeks you would push up on to all four hands and knees and rock. You would even occasionally move one hand or hold your left leg up in the air. I was lucky enough to have the video camera your daddy got me for Christmas nearby and caught the first few 2-3, 3-4 crawl movements for him. Since then you have started tentatively following me (crying fiercely [without a tear] whenever you hit hard floor...I guess it hurts your knees).

I knew I would be so excited when you started to crawl, but the overwhelming pride I feel is just incredible. Seriously.... you are the coolest, best thing in the world. How did you, sweet, messy, funny, squishy little baby come from me???

You have also reached the separation anxiety stage. Any time your daddy or I walk out of the room, you take a deep breath and start immediately whining. You act like you are crying, but there is rarely a tear and if something catches your eye (Jack, always Jack, or a small toy, or anything you shouldn't have), you stop. You, my dear, are a faker!! Today your Uncle Evan held you while in his police uniform.... You stared and stared at him and I am pretty sure you thought he was your daddy. When you realized he was holding you and was not me or your daddy you started pouting out your lips and crying. As soon as I took you back, not a peep. Faker, faker, faker!

You follow me into the kitchen now and if you decide you want me, and I cannot get to you in time, you "cry and cry" until I look at you and talk to you. Then? Big smiles. I look away, you cry and cry. If you realize I really am not giving you the attention you so deserve and did not get for those forty-five seconds, you work up a tear and kind of lay your face on the floor with your arms stretched out in just a pool of angst and misery (unfortunately this resulted in your smacking your face on the floor for real yesterday). You are such a ham!!

While you may not cuddle, still, you will allow me to hold you for at least 5 seconds in the mornings now against my chest. People reading this will think I'm exaggerating. But really.... you may sit in my lap, but you will not lean against me or let me hold you for longer than 5 seconds for the most part. But we are getting there.... Maybe by the time you are one (not possible ever), you will have learned how to cuddle??

This is not the best months update so far, but I guess that is what happens when you procrastinate.... I sincerely hope that you do not pick up that terrible habit from me!

Getting you up in the mornings or after naps are some of my favorite parts of the day because you are SO THRILLED to see me or daddy. You smile and smile and smile. I could look at that sweet smile all the time and never get tired of it.

You love being outside in this warm spring weather and I cannot wait to see what kind of adventures we get into, both in the near future, and years down the road (I really think you will like outdoorsy things.... yikes for me). You have a little teapot that sings and talks and you stare at it and then smile whenever it says "More please" or "thaaank you!" You like long walks in the stroller and pretty much any little toy you can cram in your mouth.

You don't like solids. Don't get me wrong, you will eat about half a container of purees.... but anything with real texture repulses you. The other afternoon I gave you one teeeny, tiny Puff after you ate squash. Your eyes teared up, you shook your head, and then proceeded to vomit all of your squash right back up. We have a long way to go with that one....

Long story short, you pretty much make my world go 'round and I get fizzy, happy feelings in my veins when I think of you. You are growing so fast and I am more thankful for you every day and more certain than ever that you came at just the right time.

I love you and your infectious laughter and "scrunch" face and how you are starting to love us back so much in return.

Love,
Your biggest fan, Momma

6 Months

Lierre Elizabeth, my big six month old,

I spent most of the week doing a little flash-back, flash-forward where you are concerned. I packed up some more of your clothes that no longer fit and had to rush out with grandma/mawmaw (still haven't decided that one...) and frantically search for warm 9-month clothes as overnight your six month clothes were being stretched tight (I think I heard the snaps on your onesies groan a little as I snapped them shut). While searching for new outfits I saw a few outfits that you had as a newborn and couldn't believe how small they looked and how those clothes have already been packed away for a few months now. I blinked back little tears and joked to my mom how I was going to sit down in the floor and cry for a little bit.

And then, I flash forward. I see how incredible you are and how much personality you have and I cannot wait to see who you will be in six more months, a year, five years. You wake up each morning with a huge gummy smile and hold eye contact for a few seconds before kicking your feet and snorting a little bit with quick little breaths, just to show us how happy you are that we magically appeared above your crib.

You weigh about 17.5 pounds these days and don't seem to be slowing down on the eating. Your favorite solids are peas, squash, and apples/pears. We still have to trick you with airplane sounds and funny faces.

I never thought I would say it, never ever in those first few months, but... you rarely cry anymore. I am still nervous even writing that sentence, but there it is. You can now entertain yourself in your exersaucer (which you absolutely love), or in the floor with toys (your favorites being a squishy green ball and a crinkly caterpillar intended for a carseat). You can roll over like it's absolutely nothing and have gotten into the habit of pushing up on all fours and rocking, rocking, rocking. Once or twice you have shifted your legs, but those pesky arms get in the way and you sprawl out like a cartoon dog on an ice pond. You can sit up assisted fairly well, but still can't manage to stay upright on your own for more than 1-2 seconds. All of these big "almost" milestones are keeping you busy.... much too busy for crying! And as always, your good puppy Jack is right by your side, licking your face and hands (and blanket, toys, feet...), making you laugh, and making daddy and me crazy.

Chewing on your lips trying to teethe. 

We have also stopped your reflux medicine and you have responded very well! This is a huge relief as I was on pins and needles the first few days we stopped, praying we hadn't made a mistake that would set you back. I am so grateful for this, as you are much happier without the reflux issues and you aren't having to take a form of medication every day.

You went on your first big trip--a trip to New York and Connecticut to visit daddy's family. I had to stay and work (and to be honest, I did not handle it well.... less than well. I was a mess and cried and held your blanket a lot and called Tim more than should be allowed). However, I knew how important it was to your daddy that his family get to spend time with you--I agree, you need to know alllllll of your family! You did fantastic on your plane rides (says daddy) and then got to experience a blizzard. Not a little snow fall, a true blizzard. I will not write anymore about this because your daddy said he wanted to write about the trip from his point of view (I can't wait to read it myself).

Lierre, Lierre, Lierre. Six months and three days ago, I dreamed of you and thought I might be able to understand my love for you. Now, six months and two days later, I realize how much love you have taught me. You have taught me how to be a mother. We have gone from a husband and wife to a family of three. There is no way to compare the two. You keep us laughing almost all day with funny squeals, radically changing facial expressions, and your general delight in all things new or crinkly or bright. You still love to be held a lot, but you still are not a cuddler. You want to be held, but you want to be moving and shifting and practicing bouncing and using your legs. I cherish giving you your bottles and right before bed when you are a little more still and let me hold you.  You've begun enjoying a book before bed and I fervently hope you like to read.... I hope that one day you will cuddle up next to me in bed with a book of your own and read it while I read a book as well. I did this with my mom and it was so special and felt "so grown up."

LEB, Leb, leb as daddy says.... you are such a daddy's girl lately. I think the trip you two took made you closer than ever. Your eyes follow him as he moves about the room and anytime he turns back to look at you or speak to you, you light up like a Christmas tree. While there is a teeny part of me that is "jealous," I am more happy because seeing the two of you together is one of the best sights of my life.

I love your long, dark eyelashes. I love your slight dimples and the way they make your face radiate happiness. I love your frustrated squeal and red face that implies I better hustle on whatever it is you want. I love taking walks with you and describing everything that we see... and sometimes deep conversations that are way over both our heads. I love how you reach for our faces now and how seem to revel in our closeness.

Reading your Valentine's card from your cousin, Ava!

Just a little sleepy and chunky

You fell over about 5 seconds after this picture.

"I will just eat this instead."

We love you and adore you and really love just hanging out with you. You take a commonplace experience and make it a new adventure. Life is so fun with you!!

"We is so much better than I. If you need proof, just look at us."-Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

with love, and joy, and infinite possibilities,

Mommy

A Month in Cell Phone Pictures

Cell phone pictures.... How awful, right? Not when they are of this cutie pie and our happy lives together.

Pigs in a Blanket, chocolate covered strawberries, and chips
all with NHL stuff for the first hockey game of the season!

Breakfast in bed that Tim so lovingly made for me.

Nom, nom, nom, I chew everything these days.

Putting away Lierre's 3 month & 3-6 month clothes.

Trying to sit up.

Where is my baby going??