Birthday Party... Guess what, this is late as usual.

Dear Lierre,

You are now almost 14 months old. Yep--you've gotta hand it to your mom for being two months late on such a huge milestone in your life. I have mentally drafted and re-drafted this, but just haven't sat down to write out my thoughts. Some of it has been pure busy-ness.... I have started back to work, you have started preschool two days a week, your daddy is working his normal job and has also started another business. Some of it has also been me being a smidge unable to wrap my mind around the fact that you are one, and seriously, how am I supposed to wrap up a year in one little post?

What has given me the final nudge to write is that today, while uploading pictures of your birthday, I stumbled upon pictures from the hospital when you were born. How an entire year went by without me knowing these pictures were on there is a mystery to me. I blame it on complete exhaustion/medication/confusion at the hospital and then pedal-to-the-metal newborn craziness. Finding those sweet pictures were such a treasure to me. There are so many things I don't remember from the hospital so these were like a glimpse into our lives a year ago.

Hair, courtesy of your Aunt Kristin.

So glad there actually *was* a picture of Tim and me before you arrived

The only day you ever allowed us to swaddle you

There are a few more, but only the kind of two-inches-to-the-left, two-inches-to-the-right kind of pictures a mom would be able to study and drool over (they just look the same to everyone else). 

Anyways.... your birthday was on a Friday, but we did not celebrate until the next day. We had planned to have a cookout with kiddie pools and other water games in the yard for you and your cousins. Unfortunately, in the most unusual August weather, it ended up being about 65 degrees and raining cats and dogs. We quickly threw together some Pin the Tail on the Donkey fun for your cousins.

You had never seen so many people in our house at one time! I swear, you smiled maybe only a very few handful of times the entire day--you were enthralled by the sheer energy and tiiiiightness of people in our house that I think you were a little overwhelmed. 

Ecstatic about getting it right the first time!

Serious baby, happy Paas

Some of your favorites: bunny, Peppa Pig, ducks/yellow, and Chex Cereal

Squeezing your Curious George monkey from Grandma/mawmaw

Your favorite trick: "How big is Lierre?" "Soooo big!"

We all sang to you and your cousins helped blow out the candles (so did I). With all my heart I sang and wished you years and years and years and years of happiness, health, and love. 

You have grown and changed so much since your birthday. You took a few steps from our coffee table to our kitchen two days before your birthday. At your birthday party you took another few steps. By mid-week of the following week, you stood up after I got home from work and proceeded to walk up and down the hall way, around the living room, and to your bedroom--as if you had been doing it forever! Now you refuse to crawl and have started running a little bit... even with shoes.

Your favorite foods include: grilled cheese, cheese toast, toast (do you see a theme?), mandarin oranges, apples, and all crackers. You still adamantly refuse almost all meat (exception: chicken from fajitas)...you immediately stick your tongue out and watch the food fall to the floor. You have also learned how to feed Jack. Between the two of you, meal time is never easy or quick or clean. You have learned the sign for "more" and do it over and over while we eat. Sometimes this is helpful and has significantly cut down on the screeching you love to do. Sometimes it is not when you already have all the food on your tray, sign "more, more, more," and it will take me 2 minutes to realize you want water.

You are becoming more inquisitive daily--really inspecting your toys and wanting to know how they work. You will open and shut doors, latches, lids over and over and will clap for yourself when you do something "good." It warms my heart when you are playing and then pause..... you run over and launch yourself into my legs and throw your arms around them. You wait until I pick you up, give you a squeeze, and then squirm to get back down. It's as if you just want a little reassurance and love--I will give that to you, little one. As much and as often as you need it or want it. 

You are a complete daddy's girl lately. While it makes my heart tighten a little bit when you reach for him while I am holding you, or run to him when you get hurt instead of me.... it is so incredible and gratifying to see how intensely you two love each other. 

A few days ago, the weather was perfect. Your daddy was going to grill and all three of us (and Jack) were in the yard. It is the first time we have all been together, outside, walking, with nice weather... ever! It was so fun to see you play with your Dora ball, roll around in the grass, laugh. It set the stage for what will be many more years of playing and growing and making memories together. Tim and I stopped more than once and just smiled at each other--once or twice we hugged and said how great and awesome a day it was. 

You are the light of our lives. You have our entire family (immediate and extended) wrapped around your finger. There have been times where an hour or so will pass and your grandmother and I realize all we have done is watch you play. Every day that passes, you are a little bit different, and a little more fun. The love we have for you is fierce, unwavering, relentless. You have pushed us and forced us to change and grow, change and grow, and change and grow some more. You have kept us up, driven us a little crazy, given us days and days of laughter, and have made my heart stop more than once.... and yet you have pushed us to be more patient. More understanding. Work on communicating with one another. You have taken every ounce of love and energy we have and demanded still more. Just when I think this couldn't get any harder or better, it always does. You, dear girl, sweet little bird, have made me a momma. I am such a different person than I was a little over a year ago. Feeling the love I have for you had made me be able to understand God's love for all of us a little bit more. Before there were times I would wonder at "unconditional love" or forgiveness.... now from a parent point of view I can see where God is coming from. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and so many silly and crazy things I would do for you. Nothing you do can separate you from my love (and your daddy's love). I think you are truly a blessing and so awesome. I used to daydream about being a mom. Now I daydream about seeing you grow, with Tim by my side, and becoming one of your best friends. 

Happy (belated) birthday, Lierre Elizabeth! We wish you many, many more years of all things good. Now I'm going to go check on you sleeping one more time, breathe in your sweet little scent, and thank God for entrusting you to us. Just like I said when I first saw you.... We are so proud of you. We love you so much. We will take such good care of you--we promise.

Love,

Mommy

SciQuarium

It was so cool to be able to take Lierre to the same Natural Science Center (with new SciQuarium!) that I grew up going to. I went at least once a year on a field trip with school, and also went many times with my mom and brothers. How different to be going as a parent!

Pouting because we made you wait for a half a second

You in the new Ergo I got for my 25th birthday!

10 and 11 Month Updates!

Dear my growing girl,

[This time I must admit that I tried writing earlier, but this website wouldn't allow me to post any pictures for some reason--so I decided to wait.]

I love this age with you so much! You have so much personality blossoming and are becoming more independent. While it tugs at my heart sometimes to see you not needing me so much, it is also so gratifying seeing you go off into a different room of our house or your grandparents to explore alone. You do like to sit down (from crawling) about half way to wherever you are going and look back to see my reaction, like "Is this okay mom? Yeah? Okay, see ya later!"

Your eating has improved so much in the last week. While you still won't eat just anything that is placed in front of you, you have now accepted (not purees): peas, toast, potato (not a fan), bread in almost any form, puffs, some cheese, banana, apple, green beans (I have to put them in your mouth) and a breakfast bar. Everything else is still slowly coming together, but I am encouraged by you finally trying new food. I'm not going to lie though--lately (at least before this new acceptance) meals had become my least favorite part of the day with you... speaking as a picky eater, I sure hope you start enjoying more foods soon! What really gets me is that if you are in your high chair eating, you eat with mere acceptance. If I sit down at the table to eat, you drop whatever you are doing, crawl as fast as you can, pull up on my leg and proceed to tilt your head up and stare at me until I give you a taste of whatever I am eating. You're worse than Jack with the begging!

You are still holding on to everything to pull up and to hang on to while you stand (like the coffee table and the big window in our living room). Your daddy can get you to let go and stand for a few seconds at a time, but I am not as successful with that. Whenever I let you go, you immediately drop to the floor, or flail your arms towards my leg and start your new favorite "fake cry." You are cruising pretty fast on furniture. You have the weirdest little pose-- you will get on to one knee (like a proposal), and then proceed to "hop" on that leg across the room. I'm pretty sure you are dying to walk, but won't take the plunge just yet.

You are about 22 pounds! You are wearing mostly 12 month clothes, but they are becoming increasingly snug--about half of your 12 month things are officially out of commission while I slowly begin pulling out what few 18 month things we have. You are loving me holding you at any opportunity, but my back is not loving it quite as much... in this regard, I am ready for you to start walking juuust a little bit. You have become so much more attached to me since I have been home for summer. Work is going to be tough on the both of us come the end of August. You cry whenever anyone other than me, your daddy, grandmother, or grandfather hold you for the most part. You laugh and play and bounce at home or wherever when I am around. If I leave the room and you are left with, say, your uncle, you will wail with tears (which is very unusual for you). As soon as I pick you up again--not a peep. While on the one hand I know you need to get through this phase, and feel slightly embarrassed at times when you really put on a show, there is a part of my heart that just lights up that I am so important to you and that you seem to love me as much as I love you!

You in your "proposal" pose playing with your grandma and cousin Ava

You have enjoyed playing in your small blow up pool at our house with your bath toys this summer. You love being outside and you love bath time.... so me allowing you to play in some water outside makes you pretty giddy. You are also getting to the age where you are also beginning to inspect what you are playing with--switching your toy from hand to hand, turning it, pushing your lips out in contemplation while you try to figure out the sound, or the button, or light, or whatever has intrigued you. I can see you thinking and it is so cool! You still won't sit still for a book, though. That hasn't stopped me from walking around behind you reading out loud, or oh so casually reading next to you while you play. Sooner or later, little one, you are going to sit down for an entire book or two and not try to rip the book to shreds or slide out of my lap. One day.


We are in the process of planning your birthday "party" (that will probably involve grilling some hamburgers with family). I cannot believe it is so soon--but I will hold off on that one until next month.

I love you so much, am so proud of the independence and adventurous nature you are beginning to show. Your daddy thinks you are so funny and entertaining. You are our favorite topic to talk about. I am so thankful I have your daddy to share this adventure with!

Lovingly,
Momma

Zoo!

I'm about to blow up my blog with posts and pictures..... I'll be honest--the main reason I haven't been blogging is because I have been too lazy to upload pictures! Shame, shame, shame on me. 

Anyway, sometime this spring (spring break?) all of my siblings and their spouses and children and my parents... ALL of us got together to go to the Asheboro Zoo! Who knows when and if this kind of get together will happen again (for not a holiday/birthday/birth/etc).

Enjoy some pictures!

My family!

Enjoying a different view for a little while

Ashley & Evan!

Still all gums in this picture

My favorites at the zoo. 

Nine (and a half) Month Letter to Love

Lierre Elizabeth,

Okay, okay so you are halfway through month nine before I am writing this. I always pretend like I will be on top of it "the next month" but as you will learn slowly and surely your mom is quite the procrastinator. I know it is bad, I know there is normally less stress if you do a little at a time....but that never quite pushes me to doing this ahead of when they are due.

You are laying in your crib right now--down for the night (oh, I hope), sleeping for the first time really since this morning (I don't count one thirty minute nap). You have what I assume to be a cold. The amount of stuff coming out of your nose and mouth (makes me question teething) is just mind boggling. Last night I had to sit up with you from about 1:30-2:15 a.m. You didn't want your bottle--rather, you couldn't drink because you were so stuffy. You were so sweet, though. You put one hand on my face and stared at me for about five whole minutes. I think you were half delirious from being up at such a late hour, but it made me melt in about 100 different ways. You being sick stinks, but the sweetness in the dark was worth my grogginess today. I knew that you needed me and I could deliver.... I couldn't make your cold go away, but I could hold you and reassure you and be what you needed--a warm, snuggly, adoring momma. I will always be here for you, sweet one. You say the word and I will come running, driving, flying to wherever you are.

I don't think I mentioned it in the last post, but you have TEETH! You went from no teeth to now 4 (top and bottom two) completely in and two (next to the top teeth on either side) about halfway in in about two months or so. Woof, it's been rough on us here and there, but you have handled it so well for the most part. You don't like typical teething toys, but you enjoy chewing on these little bath water toys.

With having teeth has come an increase in appetite and a much better grasp on eating. You now take an occasional eight ounce bottle instead of a six ounce bottle (mostly either early in the morning or right before bed) and can somewhat chew solid food. You will now take a Puff and try to put it in your mouth. I say "try" because most of the time you assume since your hand is going towards your mouth you need to suck your thumb to get it in. You look so confused when it doesn't end up in your mouth and keeps your daddy and me laughing. You tried boiled shredded chicken a few days ago. You didn't love it, but you didn't hate it. I think you persevered mostly because I looked so hopeful and sat there mimicking chewing like a crazy person for ages. Once summer hits for me (so soon!) I will start introducing more steamed/soft foods. This experience just goes to show me once again that you know what you are doing and to not stress so much about comparing you to other babies.

You love being outside in the warm weather. When you stay with your grandma/mama and Paas, you seem to cute your way into one of them caving and taking you on a long stroll. You hold on to the sides of the stroller like you are controlling where you go and look straight ahead, very determined. We had a cookout for memorial day and you loved having toys on a blanket in the grass.

You are supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow for your nine month check up and shots. I'm not sure if we will go through with the shots because you are sick, but it still makes me so sad that I will have to miss it because of a silly end-of-year meeting at work.

Crawling will soon be a thing of the past I am sure.... You are pulling up, standing, and letting go for (very) brief periods of time. When I cheer for you, or daddy does, your face lights up in a huge grin and you could not be any more smug about your accomplishments. I can't believe you are soon going to be walking (well, maybe soon... we will see). You already are quick as a flash when you crawl and love to try to pull everything down off of the coffee table, any table, any shelf.

You have started letting me hold you for longer periods of time and your daddy and grandma, too. You may not "kiss" us or fall asleep on us, but you have started kind of tucking your head and leaning in towards us for short periods of time (read: still 30 25 seconds or less).

Diaper changes have become a source of great distress for you. You flail and kick and screech and try to roll over from the time you are laid down until you are back up again. When you pop up, you instantly smile and laugh like "Oh, mom.... it's ok! No big deal." I have tried quietly talking with you and breathing deeply (with you in my mind) before sliding your arms into clothes (your least favorite part) and surprisingly you seem to respond and become more still. At least you don't wail anymore like you did for a little while.

I cannot wait to be with you all summer. . . even if we don't do anything special (which I don't think will happen), being able to be with you, see you grow, and be at your beck and call is making me so excited. My only worry? You are getting to be SO big that you are hard for me to carry around for long periods of time. Maybe you should start walking soon (hehe).

Your daddy and I love you and often find ourselves sitting around saying back and forth "I love her." "Oh, I love Lierre." "Lierre is the sweetest baby girl ever." You have no idea how over the moon we are about you!!

Love,
Mommmmamomomomamama (how you "say" my name)

Sigh of Relief

It has been awhile, and before I get into what we've been up to as of late, here is a quote from one of my favorite books "The Secret Life of Bees:"

“The world will give you that once in awhile, a brief timeout; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life.”

That is how I feel today went. . . work has been pedal-to-the-metal lately, I feel like I haven't been able to catch my breath, and have been generally run down for the last two weeks. Today was my time-out. Today I got to spend the whole day with Lierre. And even though we did a few errands and I tidied up around the house, it may rank in one of my favorite days with her and one of the best days in awhile. Lierre didn't cry a bit in any of our errands, laughed like I was the funniest thing in the world when I would talk to her or touch my nose to hers or make a funny sound, and observed everything with bright, thoughtful eyes. My anxiety never got up, even in traffic or when stores didn't have what I wanted. There was no rushing around or nerves or deadlines, only exploring and enjoying each other's company. While I folded laundry, Lierre quietly played with a toy (or ten) by my feet, occasionally pulling on my pant leg so that I would help her practice stand up (!!) or respond to her stream of gibberish. When I sat down to eat, Lierre entertained herself (!!) with toys and eventually ended up at my feet again, staring at me with big, hopeful brown eyes that all but pleaded for me to hold her in my lap.

Hold me, please?

Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles, and closeness---that is what this little one has craved lately. And it was the biggest joy today to be able to give her that. With the end of the school year (read: testing) coming up, the hours have been long and morale has been low pretty much across the board. I have felt like a wrung-out rag some days when I get home and I know I haven't been able to give Lierre my best time or effort. That just about kills me when I think about it (so I try not to too much), so today I felt like it was one of those rare days where everything falls into place and my soul was filled up. 

Thank you, God, for your goodness. 
[The only thing that would have made it better was if Tim could have joined us!]

Part of the reason why I have not written as much, well besides being insanely busy and worn out, is that I haven't been able to voice exactly how I feel about my career. No, no, not my JOB.... but rather, the state of education in this country and our state. I love teaching. I love my students. I hate testing and standardized this and that and the other and spending most of each day gearing my students towards a test that will be very hard, if not impossible, for some of them to "pass." The individual gets left behind and it is hard to try to make every drastically different student the same. Even writing this I am hesitating for I fear someone will misinterpret this for dislike of my work or my job. Maybe these will do a better job.

I hate that any child or student will ever, EVER have to feel they are stupid or less than wonderful or special because of testing. Urgghgh. 

Anyways.

Tim and I are eagerly awaiting summer's arrival where we can spend more time together as a family and possibly take a trip or two. Silly NC needs to get with the program because it has been cold or raining for forever.... I mean, today I had to bring a blanket for Lierre in the car. It is MAY, Mother Nature. May! Bring me warm weather!!!! Plus, Lierre has too many cute clothes for warm weather that she is rapidly growing out of without ever having worn them!

We have also been trying a new church lately and it has felt so good to find somewhere that we both can agree we like so far. They also have a small nursery for Lierre and she tends to do well. I saw this Bible verse(verses) on a friend's facebook today and it resonated deep down in me. In a time with so many things changing and shifting and moving forward, it was a welcome reminder. Thanks, Heather!

You have searched me Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you. ♥ Psalm 139: 1-18