Snow Day!

5 Months

Dear Lierre Elizabeth,

Yesterday you turned 5 months old. Your personality is really starting to peek out and it is so fun to experience. You are going to be so much fun and such a great pal to have as you get older. Can we be best friends? Even when you are 8 years old, or 13, or 27?? I think I could be a good friend to you if you will let me.

In honor of you turning 5 months old yesterday, the world (or our city at least) is celebrating by having its first snow of the year (and probably only snow). Daddy is at work keeping our town safe... We have both missed him tonight. I tried to give you a peek of the snow through the window and you could not have cared less. I opened our sliding door and tried to let you see that way. That got your attention--you hate the cold (just like me) and started thrashing and whining almost immediately. Into your warm bed you went. Maybe, hopefully the snow will be there in the morning and we can go out together as a family.... thankfully your Uncle Clayton & Aunt Lindsey got you a pink snowsuit when you were born! Hopefully it will fit.

You are reaching for everything.

Anndddd..... start roll, now.

"Ta-da!"

Your development this month has kind of blown my mind. You can consistently roll from your tummy to your back, your back to your tummy, started saying "Ma ma" (kind of), and GASP, have started pushing up and rocking like you want to crawl. I'm not kidding when I say this stunned me the first time I saw it. I had just put you down in your crib... and then as if you had done it every day of your life, you just pushed up onto all fours and started rocking. My mouth dropped open. You still topple over after a handful of seconds when you rocking gets too hard. Are you going to be an early crawler? The thought of that stops my heart. Our house is so very not baby proofed yet. Glass top coffee table? Uncovered outlets? Dog toys and food on the floor? Yes, we still have them. HOW can you be so big that you are even contemplating moving like that? While I am so excited to see you grown, knowing that I will no longer be your main form of movement one day (and probably soon--in the next month or two) is kind of a revelation and a bittersweet one at that. 

You have been working on sitting up, too!

You have delved into the world of solids. Your response? Carrots: meh. Sweet potatoes: Ehhh kind of yes, kind of no, why is this mushy, why is this sweet? What is this? No thanks. Peas: Absolutely, let me open my mouth wider. I hope you continue to like peas and other veggies... I grew up as a picky eater and I sincerely hope that you are a "good" eater. It has been hard feeding you solids with all of our wacky schedules. Combine my working with daddy's, your nap schedules + bottles, and staying with Paas & grandma and the time to consistently feed you solids has been hard. We have to keep working at it because you have been waking up earlier and earlier. We hope this passes soon.

Using your thumb as a "chaser"/refusal to sweet potatoes.

Your love for Jack, and his love for you, continues to grow every day. I think if I could strap a baby carrier to him, you would both be in heaven. 

Jack keeping watch.

Nose to nose. He is smiling.

Always looking around and playing near you.

How happy you make him (just kiddin...he's yawning).

You love all of your toys that make crinkly sounds. It is coming in so handy that they can now distract you a little bit when you start to get fussy. Who knew you couldn't "distract" newborns before a certain point really? I put together (with a little assistance from dad) an exersaucer type thing for you to play in. You love the music that it plays and the lights that light up. Surprisingly, one of your favorite parts of it is a sunshine face that just sits there. You love to look at it and reach for it. I told you that maybe we would paint your room yellow one day or add sunshines to it. You smiled at that. 

I love our sweet "conversations" and marvel at the tiny human you are becoming. I got teary eyed when you were eating solids with daddy one night. He poked fun at me and asked me "Aren't you happy she's getting to be a big girl?" and went on to talk about how happy he was and that he can't wait to get to know you better. I feel the same way, but time with you is so precious. I have said it before and I will many times in the future. Time is so precious. We never know what we are promised and I soak up every second, every smile, every snuggle, & every cry from you. 

That being said--I can't wait to have conversations with you one day. I'd love to know what goes on in your brain. What do you dream about? What foods do you actually like? Are you bored? 

You are a sweet girl and we are absolutely smitten with every bit of you, head to toes.

Rare "laying down" snuggles.

We love you and are here for you. Keep trusting us to take care of you, my love. We've got you covered!

Love, 

Mommy

2012 Is Over?

I've got to be honest---I was so busy this week with Tim's dad and girlfriend visiting and trying to finish up some online training while juggling time with Lierre and Tim that I did not even realize yesterday was New Year's Eve night until about lunch time. I had lost a day somewhere. It hit me and I felt so laughably, completely out of step.

Before I add any thoughts about New Years Eve, I need to add a few updates on our lives and Lierre! While Lierre has been able to roll from her tummy to her back for a few weeks now, the day after Christmas she finally rolled from her back to her stomach! Way to go strong little lady! It was hilarious.... when she first rolled from her tummy to her back, she always just looked confused or worried when she would realize she was facing a different direction. Now, however, when she rolls from her back to her stomach, she pushes herself up on her hands and grins soo big like she is the proudest she has ever been. She still has a little trouble doing this consistently, but I have no doubt she will have it down completely very soon. Her ability to roll and scoot and roll some more have allowed us to find her in some very new and interesting positions in her crib. When you are used to finding your little one in the top right corner of the crib, it is amusing (and sometimes alarming when they disappear out of sight on the monitor) when you go in and they are on a different side (front/back) than how you put them in a completely different corner. Goodness, she is getting so big.

While Ron (Tim's Dad) and Linda (his girlfriend) were here in town, I decided to try to feed Lierre some solids again. We had attempted oatmeal a few weeks back in desperate hopes it would help her reflux issues. She wasn't interested in the slightest. This time around, I made my own carrots to feed her. This may seem really small to you all, but I am not a cook, and I have never made baby food. Given, it's about the easiest thing ever to make, but still I was so excited and so proud of myself. Lierre was a little hesitant at first, but eventually decided she semi-liked it! She leaned in towards the spoon after awhile and took a handful of really good bites..... she then decided ehhh maybe the carrots were not exactly what she wanted and she started making the funniest faces and spit it out.  We are going to keep working with this just a little bit at a time. I am excited for the day where she starts to enjoy solids.

I don't know whose facial expressions are funnier in these pictures, Lierre's or mine.

Before the first bite!

Here we go!

Yeah, I made that.

I don't think I will ever be able to feed her without making a face.

Neither of us are quite so sure about this.

You did it!

"Okay, mom.... that's enough."

Back to New Year's Eve. Let me just say.... and don't flame me for this .... that I have never really liked New Year's Eve. It has never lived up to the big expectation that television always makes it out to be. When I was a child, I was always exhausted, albeit excited, when I was allowed to stay up,...but the most excited thing to happen was some Sparklers and juice out of a wine or champagne glass. When I was a teenager, there was always a pesky curfew or something to deal with, no new years kiss to be had, and generally just ended up being a movie night with friends or something. Now as an adult, it still just seems like a night where people drink too much and dress too fancy and act too comfortable while inevitably I know they are (at least some small part) reflecting on the year. I have never really made resolutions, because who honestly sticks to them? I just try to do the best I can all the time, every day. That doesn't mean it always works out, but I try.

Last night with having a little baby girl, it was probably the most bland night yet (to the untrained eye). Lierre went to sleep around 8:00. Tim was asleep on the couch when I came out from putting her down and proceeded to sleep until about 9:30 when I woke him and said "Lierre is asleep. You are asleep. I hate everything on television. I have a headache. I'm going to bed." We both got into bed around 10:00 and semi watched the cheesy new years specials while I started to doze off.

Lierre is a party animal, apparently, because she woke up at 11:45 (very unlike her) and had to bed held and rocked and given a bottle. In the darkness of her room, smelling her sweet baby smell, holding onto her with one arm, and holding Tim's hand with the other, we entered into the New Year. 2013. Lierre dropped back off to sleep around 12:10. I think she just wanted to be with us to celebrate. Although there was no crazy music or hoards of people or bubbly champagne to be had.... To me, I will always remember last night. To me, it may be one of the only New Year's Eves that was really worthwhile. I seriously love my little family. They mean everything to me.


I head back to work tomorrow. This break has been so soothing to my soul and I have enjoyed every millisecond with Lierre and Timothy. Lierre has been napping the best ever and can actually stay awake for a little while without crying. It has been incredible. I am hoping that the break will have bolstered me so much that maybe I won't have quite such a hard time returning to work. I will keep you posted.... I am keeping my hopes high.

To all of you beautiful people who visit us here on our little blog, thanks again for reading. I wish all of you the best as you enter 2013. Hold on tight to those you love, go after what you want, keep your faith strong. 

Holidaze

Heart Explosion

My Love

Remember when I said I am terrible at gift wrapping?...

Sweet buddy Jack waiting for his stocking treat

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, everyone! 

Let's Talk

Let's talk about...... having a baby with reflux and/or colic issues.

While you are pregnant, all 9 months, you spend your days imagining the sweetness that will be your baby girl or boy. You imagine cuddles and quiet mornings basking in each other's company. You picture taking your baby out to meals with you, while those around you oooh and ahhh over how cute your baby is. You daydream about going shopping and long walks at the park (where it is always somehow Spring with white Dogwood flowers drifting around you).

Then, you have a baby. Your sweet little one. You hear that first sweet cry and your world is forever rocked. Then the first day goes by and you hear those sweet cries.... then the second days, more cries still.... then day three, four, five, 18, 45, and the cries are still coming. But these aren't your typical baby cries, the ones your friends laugh about when their baby or child is having an off day or is a little hungry.

These are the cries of a baby who is constantly uncomfortable and 95% of the time has to be held, rocked, moving. This baby, The Reflux/Colic Baby, is a whole different species. Don't get me wrong-- the cuddles are still sweet and the smiles still melt a heart of a stone, but.... those cuddles must be given and given NOW. They must only last a few seconds until you MUST move, shift, twirl, twist, fidget, lift hiiiiiigh like an airplane, and wooosh down low like you're flying.

You kill yourself working on a "nap schedule" and your little one is actually trying so hard to cooperate. And then they get the hiccups. Or they spit up. Or have some form of gas that causes them to squirm and stretch and arch and fuss until the nap that was so close is now a thing of the past.

Your friends and those around you post picture after picture of how sweet and darling their little ones are. Your baby is just as cute, but I'll bet you have to work much harder to capture a happy, spit-up free, fuss-free moment. Others will say things about how lucky they are to have a sweet, easy going, happy baby and a little guilty part of you inside squirms a little because you feel just the tiniest bit jealous. Why isn't your baby happy all the time like theirs? Why is your baby uncomfortable? What are you doing wrong?

You either go out and your child fusses so much that you are "that person" in the store/restaurant with the screaming & fussy baby, or your baby has a moment where they are actually content and everyone around you thinks you have been exaggerating about how much attention your baby needs, or how frequently you have to clean up spit up or burp/bounce/wiggle.

Sigh.

If you haven't guessed, I am a parent of said "other species" of baby. Lierre has fought issues with hiccups and spitting up since the very beginning. We are now on our second form of Reflux medicine with (I think) the third or fourth dosage tweak. She has been much happier the past few days since switching. And then.

Tonight happened. She was content (HOORAY) to lay on the floor with some tummy time while I got to sit next to her and eat dinner (HOORAY). All was well when BOOM---she spits up. And I'm talking a huge puddle that continues to grow and grow as she choked and strained and had tears pouring out of her eyes. Gasping for air. I sat there leaning her over, banging on her back, ran to her room to find our suction bulb to try to clear out her nose. This choking thing goes on to the point where I am praying out loud and crying and rocking her for close to 30 minutes.

All ended up being well, but this is the face I got to see all night that broke my heart.

Red, Sad eyes. Drooly mouth that was trying to push out
that mean old spit-up all night.

I know we are so lucky and so blessed for her overall good health. But dang, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't love it if this stupid reflux mess would just be behind us already.

Let's Talk about.....Connecticut & The shooting.

I am not going to say much, other than my heart is breaking. School today was a very emotional day for many (most) people. I don't have any answers. I am just praying and holding those families in my heart this holiday season. Their sweet lives have made me hold Lierre that much tighter these days.

"Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely." 1 Corinthians 13:12

(On a lighter note...) Let's talk about..... wrapping presents

I. Hate. Wrapping. Presents. Any form of creativity or artistic ability I may have skipped completely over the gift wrapping department. My poor mom has tried teaching me since I was, oh, probably in elementary school how to wrap pretty presents. Even if I find the perfect present, I keep it tucked away in a corner for as long as possible. I am a last-minute gift wrapper. It doesn't matter how hard I try with that wrapping paper....there is always way too much or not enough and howdoesanyonegetthepapertostaydownflat?! Last year I ended up just rolling (that's right, rolling) the ends of the wrapping paper and putting a long strip of tape across it. The rest I stuck in bags with some tissue paper. This year I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I am not a good gift wrapper. I am hoping that this confession and acceptance will help keep my blood pressure and temper from shooting through the roof when I finally begin the wrapping process.

Yeah.... we will see about that. This is looking better and better....

4 Months

Lierre, Precious Lamb, Tiny Bird,

You are four months old today.... and you are the absolute light of our lives. Every day that we have with you is such a blessing and we have so much to be thankful for. We had some hard events happen this week in our nation that involved some innocent children losing their lives. Every single second since, your daddy and I have held you closer and breathed in your sweet baby scent and thanked God that you are safe and healthy.

You are such a rock star this month. You have become much more vocal at times (squealing and laughing), but also have longer stretches of time where you are intently looking around the room and absorbing everything around you. When daddy or I walk in or out of a room, your sweet brown eyes follow us wherever we go.

Your naps are still very inconsistent. Some days you will get in a four hour nap. Some days you will have one twenty minute nap and that is it. I love you, dear.... but you do NOT do well without sleep. It is pretty exhausting on the days where you want to be held or lugged around from one room to the next and nothing pleases you. But, I count my blessings on those days, too.... that I get to hold you, see your smiling face when it finally peaks out from behind your grumpy clouds. At least, for the most part, you are still sleeping 12ish hours through the night. This past week has been a little more inconsistent, but we can't figure out why--- are you hungry and going through a growth spurt? Do you have a little cough/cold since we hear you sneeze sometimes at night? Are you starting to teeth? We don't know for sure, but I hope we can figure out your little mysteries. No one ever told me that part of the job description of being a mommy was being a detective. Always searching, searching, searching for new things for you, the best this or that, and trying to figure out what makes you tick.

We went to see Santa on Friday. Your daddy and I both had Friday night off which rarely happens. We bundled you up in your most precious little red dress and red and white stockings and put a little red ribbon with green polka dots on it and we hit the road to see Ol' Saint Nick. The line was a little ridiculous, but you held it together and everyone loved looking at you in the line. You were the smallest one there. There was a little boy behind us who was 8 months old.... I can't believe in just four more short months you will be as big as he was! When we reached Santa, you didn't even bat an eye when we handed you off to the man in red. You didn't act scared or upset.... in fact you seemed a little bored by the whole thing. You looked at the lady shaking jingle bells at you and sighed a little bit. Oh, the things your mom and dad make you do.

After seeing Santa!

You have gotten the hang of rolling from your tummy to your back pretty well (when you really want it), but mostly you love just pushing up on your hands in a mini push-up. I hold my breath every time I put you down for a nap and hope you don't start army style pushing up because that normally means a nap is not going to happen, at least not for awhile.

You are still working on rolling from your back to your stomach, though. You grunt and twist and make duck lips every time you try. You have gotten it once, maybe twice, but I bet you will really have it down in the next few weeks.

Duck Lips

You are fixated on our dog Jack lately. He walks in the room and you turn your head to follow him. I "yell" at him to leave you alone and you smile. He licks your face, I cringe and try to shove him away, and you laugh. You guys are a match made in heaven. He loves you so much and follows you to whatever room you are in. He sleeps outside of your bedroom door. 

You bundled in your new carrier on a walk with Jack.
You laughed the entire time. And then spit up all over.

You are a big girl (at least in your mind) and have been trying to hold your bottle while you drink lately. I am thrilled when you do, and then am hit with a wave of nostalgia. What a bittersweet thing.

We switched your medicine from Zantac to Prevacid this week. That Zantac just wasn't doing anything. You seem to be a little happier during the day and we are crossing our fingers that this may be the change that you needed. You go back to the doctor the week after Christmas for your four month check up the week after Christmas, so I will have to add your weight then. You have to get more shots--pretty sure I will be worthless that day and the day after at work because I will just be thinking about you.


I am absolutely drooling over the fact that I will have Christmas break starting at the end of this week. This means I will have about 12 days off with you. Every. Day. Ahhh!!! My dream come true.

I will end this month's post with this thought.... Tim/Daddy asked me in line for Santa what I would ask him for if he asked what I wanted for Christmas. My response? "Nothing. I have everything I want right here." While I said it without thinking, it was completely true. I have you, I have Tim, we have our sweet family and our pets and our home. Seriously, what more could I want? I love you all so much. I day dream about you guys all day. My happiest times are when we are all together.

I love you, Lierre. Let's keep doing life and having so much fun growing together.

Love,
Mommy