While you are pregnant, all 9 months, you spend your days imagining the sweetness that will be your baby girl or boy. You imagine cuddles and quiet mornings basking in each other's company. You picture taking your baby out to meals with you, while those around you oooh and ahhh over how cute your baby is. You daydream about going shopping and long walks at the park (where it is always somehow Spring with white Dogwood flowers drifting around you).
Then, you have a baby. Your sweet little one. You hear that first sweet cry and your world is forever rocked. Then the first day goes by and you hear those sweet cries.... then the second days, more cries still.... then day three, four, five, 18, 45, and the cries are still coming. But these aren't your typical baby cries, the ones your friends laugh about when their baby or child is having an off day or is a little hungry.
These are the cries of a baby who is constantly uncomfortable and 95% of the time has to be held, rocked, moving. This baby, The Reflux/Colic Baby, is a whole different species. Don't get me wrong-- the cuddles are still sweet and the smiles still melt a heart of a stone, but.... those cuddles must be given and given NOW. They must only last a few seconds until you MUST move, shift, twirl, twist, fidget, lift hiiiiiigh like an airplane, and wooosh down low like you're flying.
You kill yourself working on a "nap schedule" and your little one is actually trying so hard to cooperate. And then they get the hiccups. Or they spit up. Or have some form of gas that causes them to squirm and stretch and arch and fuss until the nap that was so close is now a thing of the past.
Your friends and those around you post picture after picture of how sweet and darling their little ones are. Your baby is just as cute, but I'll bet you have to work much harder to capture a happy, spit-up free, fuss-free moment. Others will say things about how lucky they are to have a sweet, easy going, happy baby and a little guilty part of you inside squirms a little because you feel just the tiniest bit jealous. Why isn't your baby happy all the time like theirs? Why is your baby uncomfortable? What are you doing wrong?
You either go out and your child fusses so much that you are "that person" in the store/restaurant with the screaming & fussy baby, or your baby has a moment where they are actually content and everyone around you thinks you have been exaggerating about how much attention your baby needs, or how frequently you have to clean up spit up or burp/bounce/wiggle.
Sigh.
If you haven't guessed, I am a parent of said "other species" of baby. Lierre has fought issues with hiccups and spitting up since the very beginning. We are now on our second form of Reflux medicine with (I think) the third or fourth dosage tweak. She has been much happier the past few days since switching. And then.
Tonight happened. She was content (HOORAY) to lay on the floor with some tummy time while I got to sit next to her and eat dinner (HOORAY). All was well when BOOM---she spits up. And I'm talking a huge puddle that continues to grow and grow as she choked and strained and had tears pouring out of her eyes. Gasping for air. I sat there leaning her over, banging on her back, ran to her room to find our suction bulb to try to clear out her nose. This choking thing goes on to the point where I am praying out loud and crying and rocking her for close to 30 minutes.
All ended up being well, but this is the face I got to see all night that broke my heart.
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| Red, Sad eyes. Drooly mouth that was trying to push out that mean old spit-up all night. |
Let's Talk about.....Connecticut & The shooting.
I am not going to say much, other than my heart is breaking. School today was a very emotional day for many (most) people. I don't have any answers. I am just praying and holding those families in my heart this holiday season. Their sweet lives have made me hold Lierre that much tighter these days.
"Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely." 1 Corinthians 13:12
(On a lighter note...) Let's talk about..... wrapping presents
I. Hate. Wrapping. Presents. Any form of creativity or artistic ability I may have skipped completely over the gift wrapping department. My poor mom has tried teaching me since I was, oh, probably in elementary school how to wrap pretty presents. Even if I find the perfect present, I keep it tucked away in a corner for as long as possible. I am a last-minute gift wrapper. It doesn't matter how hard I try with that wrapping paper....there is always way too much or not enough and howdoesanyonegetthepapertostaydownflat?! Last year I ended up just rolling (that's right, rolling) the ends of the wrapping paper and putting a long strip of tape across it. The rest I stuck in bags with some tissue paper. This year I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I am not a good gift wrapper. I am hoping that this confession and acceptance will help keep my blood pressure and temper from shooting through the roof when I finally begin the wrapping process.
Yeah.... we will see about that. This is looking better and better....
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