You're going to be a....confused?

So, you know how the top of our blog says "...as we stumble our way through...?" Well, that's kind of how this post is going to go. The day(s) that we figured out I was pregnant I had the awesome thought of "I should write this down--I will love it forever and will show it to our future baby!" I did write down most of it, however jumbled it was. I knew I was going to want to write this post this weekend. I then proceeded to leave the notebook with this story at work....so all of that planning and now I must go off of memory alone.

The big day that we found out was December 6th. . . and 7th. But we should start a little bit before this, too. So that you get the whole picture. So that you can feel crazy the way I did before I found out.

I'm 99.9% sure of the ...er .... the uh, day that it "happened." I'm completely comfortable talking about this kind of stuff, but the thought of my family reading this is making me kind of... cringe haha. Anyways, shortly after it happened, it was Thanksgiving. I got very car sick on the way to my parents house, which is only about 15 minutes from our house. Those of you who know me well know that I can get carsick at the drop of a hat, but this felt different to me. But then I also thought how insane I was to even throw around the idea of my sickness being anything else so soon after. My dad gave me the strangest look when I said I felt sick and joked about I better not be that kind of sick, har har har. We both adamantly assured him he had nothing to worry about, but even as I said it, the back of my head was whispering and poking and nudging saying "That is a lie." I proceeded to eat only one plate or so of Thanksgiving deliciousness and wondered why I didn't want anything else. My sister-in-law offered me a glass of wine and I turned it down. I don't normally drink really anyways, but I joked in my head "Ha ha, well at least you're being responsible if you are pregnant! Wait...what? Stop that."

A few days pass... nap, nap, nap.... stay awake all night. Wonder why I'm sleeping all day. Wonder why I'm staying awake all night. Telling myself to ignore those websites that say insomnia-type symptoms can be a sign of early pregnancy. Get up to pee. Get up again, telling myself I'm making myself a crazy paranoid person. Stay still in bed, try not to wake up Tim. Don't tell Tim anything, because there's no need to stress him out over something that probably (liiiiies) isn't really happening (Let me pause for a moment and say that my dear, sweet husband is the best thing in the world, the best fit for me, the best everything.... but when it comes to anything medical, he can obsess over it until he's convinced us both he has some incurable east-african disease that is known to only .005% of the world's population ever)...no, no. It is best to keep it to myself for now.

How I felt during these nights^

A few more days pass and Tim & I went to a party with his squad. Everyone brought an entree or dessert... Tim brought his world-famous Baked Ziti which is one of my favorite things in the world. I start having a conversation with a couple at the party who started asking when we would wanted to begin having kids. I gave some noncommittal answer about sometime in the next year or so, all the while squirming uncomfortably in my seat, getting that weird feeling that I'm lying again. While this is happening Tim puts down a heaping plate of Ziti in front of me and my mouth fills with saliva--and not in the good way. I cram down a few bites and then excuse myself to the bathroom, where I proceeded to sweat and feel the worst wave of nausea. I tell myself it must be all the rich foods I had been eating for the holidays and maybe being carsick again (Tim drives a stick and was trying to "push it" on the way....surely that was it).

. . . . .Don't worry, the big reveal is coming up soon . . .keep on reading you loyal readers, you.

Another day or two passes and I go to church with one of my very best friends Laurie & her husband Patrick. We go out to lunch at Lindley Filling Station... I find myself worrying about deli meat and then proceed to scream at myself in my head to stop acting like a lunatic. Laurie knew that there was a slight chance, but I brushed it off so much that we just joked about how funny it would be if one of us was pregnant.

I then decided, enough is enough. I went to a CVS and stood in the home-pregnancy test aisle for about 15 minutes. Worked myself up so much my heart was racing, I had broken out in a cold sweat, and had to find a bathroom. Told myself to act like a big girl, because if I was pregnant, I sure as heck better get my act together. I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, walked back out to that aisle, grabbed a test and a box of tampons, proceeded to get a strange look from the check-out girl, and left. I was so proud of myself for being "brave." And then my legs felt like jell-o as I realized what I just bought. I rushed home, shoved both items under the bathroom counter, shut the door and tried to forget about it...at least I was prepared either way.

Let me add here that I didn't tell Tim about any of this CVS nervous break-down or purchase for the next day or two. I told him as we were falling asleep one night and he, of course, sits up and starts interrogating me as to why I bought a pregnancy test. I try to make it seem like I don't have a care in the world, that it is just best to be prepared, blah blah blah. Then I had a dream. But in my dream I was not pregnant. I spent my whole dream trying to tell people that didn't feel right. I woke up and felt that guilty, "that's a lie" feeling again. With Tim still sweetly sleeping next to me, I slid out of bed, ran into the hall bathroom and took the pregnancy test. I waited the right amount of time with clenched hands and then peeked over. And I saw..... something. I tilted it this way and that. I squinted my eyes. And I still had no idea if it was positive or not. There was kind of a fuzzy line. But not like the box. Without pausing to think, I ran into the bedroom, sat down practically on Tim and said "Tim, Tim, wake up. Don't freak out ok? don't freak out. There's no reason to get worked up. Just stay calm ok?" [he told me later that he thought someone had died] "I just took a pregnancy test and I don't know if it is positive or not, but it's only valid for a few minutes and I need you to look at it NOW!"

Bless him. He got right up and walked in there without asking any questions. Now it was his turn to squint, tilt, stare, compare. His verdict? "I don't think you are, Na. I think you just want to be. I'm going back to bed for seven minutes before work." I picked up the test, walked outside and threw it away--I didn't want to dwell on it anymore.

Tim went to work and I went crazy. I tried to do errands, but just ended up buying two more tests...this time digital. I wanted the words to tell me so there was no misunderstanding. I took a test. and. it. was. positive!!!

I called Tim and told him. He was excited, cautious, wanting more information. So was I! I told him I would take one more and keep him updated. I waited a few hours, drank water, paced, wrote, watched tv. and took the next test. It was negative.

What the heck. I called Tim again and he said he was "coming down off cloud nine" very quickly.... and that he would get more tests on the way home.

At this point I was reeling. I'd had a maybe, a positive, and a negative test all within 12 hours. Tim showed up and I took another test. another positive. Tim stayed on the couch all night and didn't sleep. I stayed in the bed and slept maybe 1-2 hours. The next morning we took another test-- positive. We went to the doctor and they hesitated for a little bit.... but then, yep, there was a faint line! I was just very, very early in realizing I was pregnant. In fact all of the books and websites told me for the next 3-4 weeks I wouldn't even know I was pregnant yet (not much for fun reading). I cried, Tim tried to stay calm, I yelled at him for being calm, he got excited, we left.... he had to go to work and I had to go observe at my soon-to-be new job. We were both pretty worthless the rest of that day haha.

And that, readers, is the "short" version of how it all happened. Thanks for coming along, baby Bloch. We are so happy you are growing everyday.